Saturday, October 16, 2010

When life Gives you Lemons, Cut them up and Throw them at lifes Eye.

SOOOOO lately I have been letting the devil Trick Me!!! into feeling overwhelmed!! I've been nearly falling over with thoughts of heavy burdens, and too much responsibility, but during brief moments of Clarity I see that the burdens are Light! and that Everything is possible, and I just need to be patient and have faith.

ugh, im such a silly goose sometimes. I think I have aquired depression, or maybe I have had it all along but it was slightly dorment because of The Awesome Support Systems (a.k.a. Family) I have had throughout my life, but now that they have all visibly to my human eyes diaspeared, the once dorment depression Creeps out every now and again. Thats another thing I am being tricked with! I let gloomy, sad and terrible thoughts tiptoe into my mind and sometimes i can barely keep my head on my shoulders because it is so filled with empty.

I had a Really bad day some days ago, it was so bad I didnt care about anything, and wanted to just go lie in a hole and stop existing. Then I wondered if I was getting sick, and if that was why I felt that way, and I wondered if that was how Males felt when they were sick, and if so then I would allow them to act like babies all they want since it was such a horrible feeling.

Freakishly enough I can be Super happy one moment, On top of the world! for no reason at all, and then i'll feel this emptiness, bara tóm. and i'll be feeling unsociable and not like talking to anyone.

I'm just so melancholy sometimes.

But I feel like I just need to get my life in Order, slowly slowly I am getting there, one silly thing at a time, then I will get to the Important stuff hahaha

Toodles for Noodles



MiriamR said...

Dear Melanie,
I feel this way too sometimes. I am starting to think its just life for me and well hormones too. I feel like life is this huge long walk we have to take and there are many many hills up and down flat for a while up and down. I think I am just lucky for the happy happy days. Like all week I have been cleaning and organizing and it makes me happy. Just keep moving I guess then you will get to the down hill part for awhile and that will help you on the up hills.
Love you Melanie, I am sure the sun leaving too early is not helping. Although the cold weather here has put me in much better spirits as soon as it snows though I will be grossed out again.

P.S that tarantula story gave Daniel the hebbigebbies. They are so disgusting!!

Hera said...

When you feel depressed do something you really enjoy and you will feel better. The rest can wait.
We miss you lots.