Wednesday, December 15, 2010

c : a piece used to cover or fill in a space between two parts of a structure

Wahoo... Its winter time, ferrymen and whine!

blegh. This is My first Christmas alone, or sans fjölskyldu, and so I dont want any company. I'm dramatic and emo, but I don't care, I like doing things my way! but they dont often go my way hahahaha

So. Life is interesting. I like not working, but having a Job hahahah

So I've been wondering about me, and what im doing/going to be doing, and why the heck im in Iceland..


Okay. So While I've been here I've been imagining a future in Iceland, and what it would be like to get married and have children and to live here for life. I was able to imagine such things.

I don't think Iceland is my life. I think I am here for the beginning of something Marvelous that is to come to pass, but I won't be here for the fruition, just the budding huhuhu so I have to do my best and a good job! I cannot be the weak link!

but then these musings bring to mind the questions of when will i be leaving? and where will i go? to me anyways. Before today I was always thinking "should I stay or should I go?!" but then today i thoughted, "i will be going".

that made everything finale, and so i stopped thinking "WHATS GOING ON???" like a whiny kid and started thinking "okay, now I must get my affairs in order, that i may be ready to go when I need to" and it all of the sudden became okay to leave, i am no longer afraid of what will happen when i go.

Now to discover when and where

Saturday, November 27, 2010

I wish I could Love You

TODAY! was beyond amazingly wonderful.

Tomorrow is Iceland Conference, and so the Mission President, President Andersen, is Here! he is such an amazing man. So this morning there was a leadership meeting, for all to attend! (well.. the leaders, their councilors and the missionaries... nearly alll hahahahha) ++

this story is gonna take a while let me just warn you before hand huhuhu.

So today has been in the planning for some time now, because this is a busy two weeks for Iceland, missionaries coming and going and returning and homing. So today there was a Leadership meeting planned, and a couple hours after it there was a baptism planned. Since all of the leaders were going to be at the chapel from early to later we decided to have a pot luck! And so...

Last night I stayed up till 3 or 4 in the morning making something, I made home made reeses cups! (thats how I remembered daniels name when he was serving, cuz it looked like Reeses hahahaha Reeves, see. this is how a child hard of learning thinks.... sometimes....)

And so, because of my awesome endeavours! I slept till 8, so I only had 10 minutes to get ready and be out the door to catch the bus. those ten minutes ran away from me, but I was nearly ready. We (Sylvia and I) were about to despair when I said "LETS TAKE THE BIKES!!" so we continue getting ready and run out the door, jump on the bikes! and then hjóla hjóla hjóla!!!! we get past the first light with ease. We then get to the second light, BUT ITS RED!!!! so im about to stop but sylvia says "we can go! the turning light is green, but there are no cars!"

so I BRUMBRUM Áfram! and as i ride out in front of a car at a red light something gets caught and the bike falters and all the sudden I am on the ground with a bike on me. in the middle of the road. My first thoughts are "Oh, I better tell sylvia I fell over" because she was riding away and I didnt want to get run over. So I call "Sylvia, ég datt!" and she doesnt hear, so I shout a little "SYLVIA! ÉG DATT!" ahhahah my memory doesnt say I yelled that much, just a little, like at malianas wedding, But then she stops, turns to look and then drops her bike and comes running to help me. Before she gets there I get up and try to walk the bike off the road, but the chain isnt working. I am about to throw the bike and run so we can catch the bus, but sylvia says "the chain came off!" and then goes ^µ

and it was fixed!!! so i was like "WOW YOU ARE AMOSOME!" and we hop back on the bikes and start riding again. I cross the road and ride away to the bus stop. I arrive at the bus stop trying to check (unsuccessfully) if sylvia is behind me. when I lock the bike up I see the bus so i am like AHHHH! and then I see sylvia arriving so i am like AAHHHHHHHHHH!!!! because I didnt realise she got a little behind. She locks the bike up and runs across the road (behind the bus! thats how close we shaved it!) and since I was taking a little too much extra time she was able to catch the bus

HAHAHAH that was only the begining of our Day!!

Twas a lovely day indeed.

Anywho, so awesome. missionaries going home, so i have been a little glum/rimeniscent all day, they are super! and i am going to miss them all so terribly much. okay not really, but thats what i thought at the time.

BUT! then I realised the reason I was sad was because I wanted to control everything, and them leaving and living lives is not me controling anythign ahhaha Im not controlling anyhting now, but ... I am possesive? and so it was hard for me to let the missionaries go.. This is creepy sounding. Anyways, when I realised it was selfishness that made me sad, I restructured my thoughts and realised it is Amazing that they came to Iceland in the first place! and a complete honour and blessing to have been able to know them. And now, after all their hard work and service, they are able to go home. So wonderful!

I Love them dearly, Missionaries are my favourite People!

Oh, and a side note, the action packed story in the begining all happened in a stockings a skirt and my favourite high heels. Awesome.

My first rational controlled thought was "MY SHOES!!!!!" because i landed funny and have been limping all day, but more so when I am not in heels. Interesting. hohoho Merry Christmas! and the northern lights were out as I was walkimping home, and then I rode a bicycle again home because my feet were dead after being in heels from 8:15-21:55


Saturday, November 20, 2010

Leis and Falls!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH this song, made me laugh. unfortunately (I think its very fortunate though) I dont suffer from OCCL hahahahaha

onto different better things HAHA

So At the end of the month, there will be three missionaries and a couple going home. I am going to Miss them Very Much! They are all so Great, but the couple is greaterest huhuhu. Missionaries here are so Diligent! whenever we are catching the same bus some time from the church they will chat at the bus stop but as soon as they are on the bus they are talking to other people, So Awesome! Anyways, I dont think the Icelanders show enough love for their missionaries (hehehe) So I want to make Candy Leis for them!!! with only Icelandic Candy! so yeasterday I bought a WHOLE LOT OF ICELANDIC candy, and since its christams time, they sell small ones of somne big ones! haha so anyways, I am asking how long these leis should be? im thinking of making a lei for every year! so two a pop, so thats like ten leis, interesting business! and then in one of the cubbies, I'm going to put a letter/note of appreciation! from me and maybe others. I like it! I hope they like it too... :´(

But the Koyles' wont answer me when I ask what is their favourite ICelandic Candy is!!! okay, they actually told me that hers is licrouice and his is Chocolate hahaha

oooooo there is a Crazy fin in Iceland! her name is Maria, and she is a member, she rambled intot church one day and WHAM! we were friends hahaha

but last night we went to watch a movie at the chapel, the movie was Rated R, but I only just found that out, because it said 12 on the box HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

That is the Trailer. The movie is kind of gruesome, in the sense that people Die, and their Deaths are shown. There is no Swearing, there is one other scene. But on the box it said 12, but as we watched it I was like, WOAH! thats a big time blood movie! it seemed a bit independant, But I love the colours! and the cinemtography! and the story it all tells! but yeah I only just found out by watching the trailer that it is rated R hehe so none of yous can watch it, OH WHALE, but the odd thing is, Icelanders rate byt gore and violence, but this was ONLY gore and violence! so it must not have been and Icelandic cover hahahah

Okay! I am off to get ready for the Missionary family activity! it'll be so great! dont forget to tell me about the... LEis! and any other ideas you may have!

Love to the You guys!

Saturday, October 23, 2010

Im Are Special!

Today, I went out to near where the presidant of Iceland lives, its a much nicer looking white house. But I went out to help a Friend of Sylvía's round up her horses, so I went að Smala Hestum.. or something ahhaha herding horses hahah Icelandic horses, I kept laughing because they run so funny hahahah and the missionaries came to do some service, it was Great! and there was a dog that kpet growling at the horses, must have been a herder dog.

So after the horse smaling, the owner of the horses was so pleased with our help (because usually there are only these three older farmer guys that herd all the horses, which are like 12) that she took us out to Pizza! we all got half a large pizza at Eld Smiðjan, apparently the best Pizza in Iceland, I think its only in Reykjavík though, because Pizzan of Hafnarfjörður is ten billion times better!!!!!!

But anywho the smaling was super fun! we all arrived on the scene and then we split up into two groups, one to herd the horses out of their fenced area and one to lead them into the pen. All the females were in the herding group, so we were all running through an Icelandic horse field (paddock?).

There is a reason why the Icelandic horses run so retardedly, and look so funny. þúfur.

I dont know what they are called in English, or even if there is a word for them. hahahah Iceland is the only place I have seen them, then again I havent seen much of the world. Okay, so I just googled it and some smarty pants english speaker said they are called Tussock or... tuft. But no way! anywho, so we were running along these things hoping not to fall between (some people did, and then lost their shoes hahahaha) trying to HUA! the horses in the right direction. and then sometimes there were suprise puddles that were little rivlets because we were right near the ocean haha

So we chased them onto the road that led to the little stable. The Missionaries and the farmers were there to lead the horses into the pen it was so fun to do and watch! hahaha! then the farmers took off horse shoes and clipped their hoofs? interesting stuff, and the one i liked straight away was the one that was a stubourn mofo. JOKES! but the lady who needed our help owned two of the horses and was moving them to a different stable for obedience lessons, and she told us that one of them was a stubbourn silly that likes to show off and the other was a scaredy horse hahaha but as soon as I got to the pen I saw a grey one and it was very lovely! and so it was my favourite, but it turned out it was the stubourn show off and the missionaries said before it went in the pen it did a little walk around the yard and some hind leg standing hahaha it was a mean horse, it kicked and bit the others, it was like it was the leader haha and I spotted the other one straight away because it kept all of the sudden jumping and running away ahhaha

Anywho after that we went to pizza without the missionaries because they are busy fellows. people stayed and chatted for a Long time, and they talked a lot of political blabla, about how Iceland shold be more independant. I think they should do more than talking and protesting.

Anywho after that the day was all but gone, and I was so tired, so I got out my knitting and did a few circles (im knitting vettlingar, this is the third time I've restarted them ahahah) but I was so tired I put them down and took a nap hahaha then I woke and did this Wooha! I'm a Real Icelandic Cowboy now! I dont have a camera so I dont have any pictures. blem blem blem, I will never have a camera again, my last one died of unknown causes, and its not something I am really bothered about.

The northern lights are out and its wonderful! Christmas lights and Music, northern lights and Snow! THIS YEAR IS GOING TO BE AWESOME! unless everyone is a douche, than it wont be awesome at all. but I will do as Captain Picard and "Make it So!" hahahahah well

enough of my blathering for now, TOODLES FOR NOODLES!


Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Yesterday was Looking Up! and then I fell over

hahaha its too crazy, just moments ago I was starting to jafna mig, and everything was becoming ok! and then I checked my email and the world was placed on my shoulders again. seriously, I hate life...

nah jokes ahahaha its just odd how i was only just recovering from all the ... how am i supposed to do this? its so hard. what the Heck, gosh. rawr.

im probably gonna be a big fat emo for the rest of my stay in iceland, especially since its winter, and cold. but i see the northern lights. They are wonderful to watch. One day I am gonna buy a snow suit and lay outside in the snow (it hasnt snowed yet) and just watch the lights in the sky move.

well, Im off to have some nightmares, goodbye.

hahahaha jokes hahaha but really, my dreams are all nightmares lately, only in the sense that they make me not happy when i wake up hahahaha


Saturday, October 16, 2010

When life Gives you Lemons, Cut them up and Throw them at lifes Eye.

SOOOOO lately I have been letting the devil Trick Me!!! into feeling overwhelmed!! I've been nearly falling over with thoughts of heavy burdens, and too much responsibility, but during brief moments of Clarity I see that the burdens are Light! and that Everything is possible, and I just need to be patient and have faith.

ugh, im such a silly goose sometimes. I think I have aquired depression, or maybe I have had it all along but it was slightly dorment because of The Awesome Support Systems (a.k.a. Family) I have had throughout my life, but now that they have all visibly to my human eyes diaspeared, the once dorment depression Creeps out every now and again. Thats another thing I am being tricked with! I let gloomy, sad and terrible thoughts tiptoe into my mind and sometimes i can barely keep my head on my shoulders because it is so filled with empty.

I had a Really bad day some days ago, it was so bad I didnt care about anything, and wanted to just go lie in a hole and stop existing. Then I wondered if I was getting sick, and if that was why I felt that way, and I wondered if that was how Males felt when they were sick, and if so then I would allow them to act like babies all they want since it was such a horrible feeling.

Freakishly enough I can be Super happy one moment, On top of the world! for no reason at all, and then i'll feel this emptiness, bara tóm. and i'll be feeling unsociable and not like talking to anyone.

I'm just so melancholy sometimes.

But I feel like I just need to get my life in Order, slowly slowly I am getting there, one silly thing at a time, then I will get to the Important stuff hahaha

Toodles for Noodles


Thursday, October 7, 2010

Where are the books of old? and scarves so fair?

Woooooo! today I was looking at the mounds of leaves that are piling up out on the streets, and I was like "woah! when did the season change???" because without any warning it is autumn!! how and when did that happen?? haha I only noticed a change in temperature, not the change in the plants and world around me hahaha crazy pots!

Well, iceland is interesting as ever, as I was walking home from the bus stop after going to an english class with the missionaries with a friend from work I heard a loud noise outside the parliament, and so I HAD to go look at what was going on, and there were a bunch of people hitting their big metal drums(industrial kinds) and making loud noises without their voices, interesting, It could have been an art piece. I have no idea what they were mótmæling (i think that means protesting?) but it was fun to walk through. There were coppers errwhere.

I feel like I have been slumbering for too long, as if I have just woken up! haha sometimes, (quite often, especially when I travel and transition,) I forget myself, and i go through motions.

I forget what i like to do, what I enjoy, my hobbies and pass times, my favourite colours, my favourite books, my favourite foods, even my favourite country!! haha I think i just have months of downtime, where my brain goes into auto-pilot like in Click, Wierd, and dangery, who knows where I will end up living life in such a way! maybe thats how my brain deals with such insane country jumping. hahaha

but during down times, i can have a hard time remembering what country i am in, and what house I am in, and all my memories run together and I forget where and when things happend (rather than splitting my life up by time, like saying "oh five years ago" I say "Oh, Australia" and so forth). ahaha although it is a little disconcerting, I think its fun all the same.

im a tired bunny, so i will go to sleep now.

toot zients to ya!

Sunday, September 26, 2010

When Everything feels like its falling apart, a dictionary appears

I've been in Iceland for four months and some days now. It was Great! and then everyone left. Hahahah now I have to start thinking and living.

Well, I am the Young Womens President, and the second coucellor in the YSA programme. Everything was going Super! and then it all crashed the day after lete and maliana left hahaha Its getting colder now. I don't Really know or understand why i am in Iceland, but Iceland needs me i think haha For now I am going to just work and save money for a year, till August, and fulfill my callings to the best of my ability. I'm gonna look into studying some time... in the future hahaha Well! this is Melanie out!

Thursday, July 15, 2010

lazy lazy, i just need to start sometimes haha

This is what I did Yesterday

So Cool! the Korean Alphabet is one of the most scientific writing systems! and yet it is Steeped in "Oriental Philosophy" like Yin and Yang, its such an interesting language and alphabet. Did you know the letters aren't just random? So interesting!

These pictures are just what I did yesterday, the consonants and vowels. With each letter I wrote out the strokes and what order you do those in and also the pronunciations, but the ones for the consonants are written in american, whereas the vowels are in whatever I thought was more accurate with my Icelandic and English, since I could actually hear them.

WOOHOOO! now that I have Actually started its a lot easier than i was dreading haha. I am gonna make me some Flash Cards! and download some other help things for the consonant pronunciations. MIRIAM! you are good at studying, Any tips for flash Cards? hehe

Im Off to see a Wizard about a horse

Saturday, June 26, 2010

Future Occupation

hahahaha I had an interesting dream last night, i can only rmemeber bits and pieces

So in this dream I am a workin lady, and I have a husband and children. At my job place they decide I am going to be transferred, this transfer is a HUGE promotion, and it is to NORTH KOREA! hahahahahahahahahahhah but before I can be transferred fully (my family and everyone) I have to pass their probationary period (the other company that i am being transferred to, i am gonna be like a consultant or sumsing). I am in a meeting with six or seven individuals, men and women, From this North Korean company, and They are testing to see if I am commi enough (HAHAHAH), They decide i would be an asset and so I go to North Korea for six months, working in whatever it is i am working, and They finally decide that I am satisfactory. My family can now move to North Korea and we can live there. So My family is arriving at the airport and as i wait for them to arrive I am in another meeting, it is similar to the one with North Korea, but these are South Koreans, and I'm a SPY!¨!!!!¨¨¨!!! the purpose of me being in North Korea is to spy and figure out something to do with uniting the Peninsula.

BAHAHAHA before you accuse me of watching too much Alias, I think this dream was inspired by a book I am reading called "The Three Day Promise" its a memoir of a Korean Soldier, its really interesting, and yeah, i was reading it before I went to sleep and so I think it seeped into my dream lands

hehehe I enjoyed the Dream very much.

Friday, June 25, 2010


Today I went for a leisurely stroll, because when I walk it is never with the intent to go slow, and that is how I see that Phrase "leisurely stroll", walk slow. It was the perfect weather for it, a mild drizzle that became rain. It was very lovely, I watched a cruise ship disappear into the rain, baby duckies following their mommies, people fishing, puddles, grass, green. My usual apparel for rain is rolled up pants because I hate walking around with wet feet/socks/pants/shoes/legs, but today It was okay, because I realised I will be walking back home, and so I can change. So I walked in all the puddles, I examined all the starfish, all the rocks and grass. Today was a day of exploration and appreciation. I found a starfish, it seemed to be stuck to the pavement, i was a little sad, but then I thought of keeping it, but that made me sad/disgusted, so I plucked it off the ground and looked at it to see if it was alive at all, and then I dropped it into the ocean. They Have Starfish here? I watched it drift to the rocks, it was very pretty. and I could see it the whole time.

I am so odd, like my mamma I guess hahahah. When the Sun shines I am sad, but the clouds can always make it better! hahahaha odd nod

Friday, June 18, 2010

What Do You See?

Yesterday i was lost on the internets, to be more precise i was lost on the WongFu Productions youtube page hmhmhm. I had an interesting time discovering some new favourite things. I think these guys are very talented. They are these three guys who met in college and made videos together and now they are like a real indie thing.

It was so lovely. Yesterday I discovered this Short made by WongFu productions, directed by Wesley, one of the three.

It was so Lovely. I didnt want to share it on the facebook because I am selfish like this, when I find lovely things, I do not want to share, people are not worthy, I dont think they can appreciate wonderful things. its ok if they find it on their own, but I won't help them hmhmhm devilish.

After I watched this I was so ... swept away? I can't describe it, it was Lovely. It made me realize that I am not very creative these days! my brain is not thinking wonderful things that are interesting and colourful. my thoughts are Grey. I want to see colour.

I decided that once a Day I will look Up and ask myself "What Do You See?" .

I'm going to create another blog for this, it will be fun and the colours will pour back into my thoughts, I am sure!

Friday, May 21, 2010

The Ghost in Maliana's Toilet

So, for quite a while (as long a while as 2 weeks can be) there I was terrified of the ghost in Maliana's Toilet, of course I mean the english (or was it Australian) one.

So every time I'd go into the kitchen for whatever task I had planned to accomplish (examples, dishes, dinner, food, etc) after a few moments of being in the kitchen I'd start to hear a noise coming from the bathroom, it sounded like tapping, or possible hammering.

Once I was doing the dishes and I started to hear this noise. Since there is construction going on on the house across the street I thought it was just them hammering stuff, as people do when building a house, but just to make sure I turned off the water and listened; I could only hear the music playing in the other room. so I start to clean again a little wonderment going on, and then i hear the noise again, "taptaptaptap taptaptaptap taptaptap". I am starting to get a little spooked, but I still think its construction, so I turn off the water and listen again, this time I notice that there is no construction noise going on at all, so I go look out the window to see that there are no people out there. I go back to cleaning the dishes a little bothered now since I dont know what this noise is and its annoying. In my head I start making up stories and imaginings of ghosties coming to get me, and making the tapping noise so I will investigate and then they will get me. Obviously after a while I start to hear the noise again. This time I listen intently to try and figure out where the noise is coming from and I discover it is the bathroom. being Aussie, I turn the water off and go to the bathroom to hear the noise better, when I get there I hear nothing. I quickly get back to the dishes and try to finish faster.

When Maliana got home I told her my fearful tale of fear of the bathroom. When I first got here she had told me the bathroom was creepy, but I disagreed and thought it was awesome possum, now i agreed.

so days go by and I am terrified of the ghostie in the toilet, BUT! just a few moments ago I realised what the tapping was HAHAHAHAH

the tapping was the water pipes. whenever the hot water is running(maybe cold too) the pipes make a tapping noise in the bathroom, so every time I turned the water off to investigate the noise would go away hahahahhah so funny, I was scared of the room because I didnt know what the tapping was, and it was just creaky sumarbústaður house hahaha good times in the Iceland

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Iceland, the Game of life

hahahhahahahhahah ahahahahahhahaha the title makes me laugh cuz its really weird hahahahahha

I really like it here in this very beautiful place, and I think its a place I should be for now, for now.

SO! my plans, for the moment, I am thinking work. but you know, I am a bit... societaly inept so I am not sure how to go about that, I'll figure it out I am sure hahahah But I am officially an Icelander again hahaha and a government lady told me she thought I'd get a job in no time because I speak great icelandic, YaY Me! hmmmmm hmmmhmhm hum+

Maliana is going To Germany tomorrow, and when she gets back from Germany IT WILL BE TIME FOR ME TO NOT BE A VISITOR ANYMORE! hahahah I will have to start lifing. Oh Bother, botherbotherbother.

So in the back of my mind i am thinking I will live/work in Iceland for a time and then go to school in New Zealand and study the anthropology stuffs i have been looking at. I wanna have a chat with Soane's wife, cuz she studied it so she knows stuff, cool beans

Laters YO

p.s. I will try be a wierdo with a camera, but thats just not in my nature, I will try though hahahah

p.p.s. I don't use the internets much these days, like on youtube and viikii(kDORAMA!), so I am pretty good at .......

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

WoW! this Icelandic water sure does make my old bones feel spry

SOOO i think it has been a very long time since the dawn of time, or my last ... whatever this thing is Called hohoho

And since then I might have turned 21, i might have flown over greenland to get to england, i may have even seen heart shaped red lights in Akureyri, I may have taken a 5 hour drive from akureyri to reykjavik, there may have been a miraculous appearance of Brother and sister Koyle, I may very well have been franticly trying to use the retarded public phones at the raykjavik bus tour station, and then as sister koyle tapped me on the shoulder and asked if i was Maliana's sister I may have almost cried, And at that very same moment the pay phone may have begun to ring.

Who knows what could have happened during all this time that has passed:!ÞÞ!Þ as I search for the question mark key, you may contemplate these possibilities

Monday, April 19, 2010

Hallo Hallo!

WOW I just pushed enter and it posted this thing with no words but a title HuahUaHuaHua~!

So I just spent the past (nearly) month in Canadia with the parents and younger siblings, the month before was spent in North Carolina where I had lots of awesome times and drove a lot in a sweet Ride (huahuahua) with Melisa and Tuimana and Victoria and we went to the beach and on the way toured the ... North Carolina? was that what that ship was called? kekeke Well, it was totally awesome

So now the next upcoming month I am planning on going to spend the summer times in the Iceland that is exploding at the moment. I (or maliana rather wuahahaha) bought my ticket to the Iceland for the ...7th? let me double check that huahuahua okay I fly on the 8th to Gatwick and get there at around 630 sunday morning, then fly at around 11 am to iceland arriving around 1 o clock

Well, the volcano erupted again and grounded all the flights that are flying places near there, so I hope Iceland calms down enough to let me fly there, so I can get there HAHA

So I would like some help dear family of mine. for my future occupation/career I would like to help people, I dont really care for the money aspect of it all, I just want to help people.

So I was wondering what sorts of Occupations came to your minds when you think of .... people... help. Do You understand what I just .. tried to ask? heheheahahha

Since I am not sure What I want to do I was thinking of getting a BA in anthropology either in New Zealand, England or Athabasca (a Canadian distance university thing) I figure that is a good stepping stone to.. helping people

Henry was telling me I should go be some sort of reservation(native lands in north america) person, I am not entirely sure what, but something to do with that.

So lets hear some Ideas ! People! hehehe it would be much appreciated by me, since i am not very good with articulation of thoughts and words and sense making, so my brain has this idea but isnt sure what exactly the idea would equate to in the "real" world that is outside of my head.

Let me give you the backstory of my wishes
the main reason i want to help people is because I read an article about suicide in Korea. The Article said that there is an average of 1000 suicides a month, that is about 36 suicides a day. To me that is just too sad, and most likely could have been prevented. Its such a waste, and for someone to be that sad and low in life is just too much for my soul to let be. So I want to help people. Don't get me wrong, I dont particularly want to save the world(and I am not one of those deluded people that wants to go and save the world), I just want to do something useful with my life, something that has the possibility of Helping people, easing the burdens of other. It is the least I can do with all the blessings i have had in my life

one idea that i was being thrown around in my head is working for the church in some way, that would be interesting

anywho here is a nice video that you think you might now, BUT THERE IS A TWIST! wuahaha

and dont forget to tell me what you think of when you hear help people

Sunday, March 28, 2010


heheheheheh We just finished watching new moon, and it was my favourite book, and I think it will be my favourite movie, GOOD STUFF!

hahahah anywho, On my favourite dictionary website there is this bunches of lists of top ten whatevers, and my favourite for since I saw it is the top ten odd phobias (if you couldnt tell hoohoohoo) and I just read one (every now and again i go to and look at the phobia list, reading them one at a time, dragging out the entertainment, because in reality I cant be bothered to read them all at once HAHA) and it makes me laugh a lot because its funny looking, Have you ever seen it before??


HAHAHHAHAHAH it may have been on the simpsons, I never paid that much attention, that one episode where the school psychologist tells marge that bart is getting F's on purpose.. ANywho, its meaning!

An Abnormal fear of Failure

hahahahah did you even think it a little bit? if so you are one clever cloggs that is very clever! well Done!

the excellent site of merriamwebster also does this thing where it explains the etymology of a word (these top ten lists and the newsletters do, but if you just look up a word it wont, I dont think, it will just tell you Where its from, but the newsletter tells you what the words mean and all tht jazz, cool beans), kakorrhaphia is Greek for clever or devious plot or plan, derived from kakos, meaning bad or evil. Oddly enough the word cacophony shares the same roots! I would have connected the word because of the sounds, but the meanings are interesting.. ANYWHO!

laters haters (hoohoohoo)

p.s. If you are feeling bored go to google and type in "find chuck norris" than click "I'm feeling lucky" and read carefully what google tells you HAHAHA Great times! I was shaking with creeped outness(fear hahahah) for a time

Thursday, March 18, 2010


i needed to store this list,so i am putting it here, and i wont post until i am done with this list HAHA


Urin BigBang/we are BigBang

She can't get enough

*****없는 번호 Eobtneun Beonho/Wrong Number (there is an english version that I would prefer, its called So beautiful)


***바보 babo/fool

come be my lady

****I don't understand

****Crazy Dog

***Stand Up intro

*****착한 사람 Chakhan Saram/a good man



banjjak banjjak Twinkle twinkle/shine

Big Bang

together forever (english version of fools only tears)

*With U intro

****with U


**Number 1 Intro

****Number 1

*make Love

****remember (korean)


*****Bulgeun Noeul/sunset Glow/red sunset

**Lollipop ft. 2ne1

****Lollipop part2

***Top of the World (japanese/eng)

Until whenever



G Dargon
****But I Love U (possibly G Dragon solo)

**Strong Baby
****다음날 Daeum Nal/Next day


***My Girl

****아무렇지 않은 척 Amureohji Anheun Cheong/As if nothing is wrong ft. 지은 (Ji Eun)
****친구 Friend chinguel(or similar) ft. Taeyang
**Sorry- Gummy ft TOP


Drunken Tiger-

Epik High-




Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Phobia Contd.

Haphephobia: A morbid fear of being touched.

I am a bit of haphephobe, I dont like people touching me, and if they do I stare at the spot they touched (say, my arm) and then back at them, with a look of " WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE" on my face. But its more when someone intentionally touches me rather than a huge crowd, or a mosh pit. like when people hug me (aside from family), i am very awkward about that and often wonder why the person felt they could hug me hahahaha If I'm not careful about this, I'll become a FULL ON uhh.. recluse? and all that jazz

have a good banana Recipe?

Monday, March 15, 2010

what a sociophobe

hahaha I was just looking up a word I came across in my Big Bang readings and I AM A SOCIOPHOBE! sort of.

I found this and it was interesting. its a slide show about what a phobia is and some categories that most phobias fall under, as well as the symptoms, causes and possible cures.. blabla They say acraphobia is a Phobia! WHAT THE HECK! falling off a tall height is not an IRRATIONAL FEAR! i have a fear of heights, not all heights, just most hahaha. ya see, the thing is, when I am at a very tall height my brain doesnt like it so it gets dizzy and then I become afraid of dizzying off the height, Ya dig? i dont think its a phobia at all, ITS A REAL FEAR! i also have a fear of losing my glasses as i hang over an edge, like in the ocean, or a tall building, or a lake, or a ride(but they tell you to take your glasses off usually haha), or a car.

I am a complete sociophobe hahaha it explains all of my freak outs, that I have, for no reason, when in a crowded area, yep. hahahaha

oh my gosh this is fun, you should all try it! naming your phobias! I have always wanted to do it because my phobias are weird and unheard of (to me hahaha) and slightly innumerable. This is one that I have had since forever, and recently it has subsided, but that might just be an "out of sight out of mind" thing: Apeirophobia, its the fear of infinity, I think thats what it would be. when I was younger I was terrified of the sky/space and the ocean, because they went on for ever and ever. It was so bad that once I had to close my eyes and I knelt down and dug my fingers into the grass to hold on so I wouldnt fall off (the earth, into space) HAHAHA. I'd often turn away from the ocean or avoid looking up for too long.

To be perfectly honest thats the only REAL Phobia that i've ever had, in the sense that just thinking about it made my breathing quicken and my muscles tense. I avoided thinking about them and when I did I'd have to close my eyes and calm down as well as distract my thoughts.

my cow/butterfly/any other fear that i had/have only freak me out when I am presented with them, so if there were a cow in front of me I'd scream and run, (not really i'd just shake in my boots too petrified to move, losing all strength in my muscles and starting to shake then a possible faint) but if you were to talk about a cow, show me a picture of a cow or me thinking about a cow, It wouldnt do anything. its the same with heights and butterflies(sort of butterflies, they are bugs so they are gross), i can look at a picture(not butterflies) and be fine, but if you put me on the pinnacle, or in the butterfly house, I will be shaking in my boots, and bemoaning my life hahaha.

there is one more thing i'd like to mention, I do have another phobia, i dont know what it would be called, or ever how to describe it... hmmm I'll do my best! I cant look at or think of it, without becoming nauseous or disgusted, uhm.. like caviar, a bunch of little circles all together, or insect eggs, or little round insects in herds, or wallpaper/pictures of many circles bunched together. its really hard to describe, because marbles dont bother me, and the white styrofoam balls dont bother me, and polka dots dont bother me. I cant talk about it anymore, I am getting really sick thinking about it

anywho on a more pleasant note

its abandoned but I have a

Sunday, March 14, 2010

daylight savings times

Last night I had a dream that Miriam and Daniel were living on the border of Canada and the US, near a river, not small, but not terribly big. There were big storms and commotions on the way, and all the Americans were, like, Povo (an aussie slag word for ... shortening of poverty, implying someone who has no money and probably isnt clean because they cant afford a shower, but povo is icky and an insult) but miriam and daniel weren't. So me and mamma and henry and lete and dad were on the american side of the river visiting miriam and daniel and we were all trying to get over to the canadian side, like wading through the river. There was a little girl that was miriam and daniels, she looked like eva but she wasnt eva, she was like my little companion, telling me about how things go and what not, she was funny, not in the haha or clumsy sense, just how serious she was hahahaha. so we all go through the river and climb up the big river bank, its like a refugee scene, we are all shabby looking and wet and struggling to get through hardships hahaha. its raining profusely. We all then change our canadian monies over to american, since we are on the canadian side of the border(thats how it worked in the dream). We find ourselves in a bank place, where there are many people being frantic and end of the world-y. we canadians find ourselves these automated money changer machines, like atms but for changing monies into foreign currency. I put in my 32 Cdollars and it starts to changing my money into american and it says 56 dollars. The machine than flashes that there is some sort of scam going on and the machines steal money, and that if i think this has happened i should push the button for assistance. I figure Might as well, so I push the button. this jolly fellow comes over, he looks like a stereotypical english butler type, and says "ah yes, let me just.." click click click ".. because of the *something i dont rmember* the machines arent giving the correct amount, there you go" and he shows me the machine and it says $562.34. I am like WOOOWWW, because it looks like a lot, especially fr the amount i put in. thinking logically now the only way the money would mean anything is if the canadian dollar were like, better than that dinar henry told me about, but he said that something else is better now hmm, Anyways, in the dream it was a lot irregardless of how inflation it seemed. After we change our money we start to make our way back over to the american side and we are over there and that is the end of my recollections.

I sleep Really well here, I LOVE IT! i sleep so well I am back to my normal sleeping habits, the kind where I wake up early(ier) and sleep early(for me hahaha 11 12 hahaha) and I Dream, dream well; dreaming is something that i havent done for YEARS! or remembering them hahahhaha i like remembering my dreams. the other day I had a dream where I was following a friend around somewhere for the day, and then all of the sudden they were at this concert, and it was a BIGBANG CONCERT!!! when I found out it was BIGBANG! they were just coming off stage and my friend was like "yeah this is-" but my brain did that BEEEEEEEEE white noise thing and I was just staring and totally open mouthed, and seungri (member of bigbang) was staring at me and wondering if there was something wrong with me hahahaha Great Times!

today i went to melisas future ward, and its a partial spanish speaking ward! hahaha cool, I have never been in a partial ward before. I say partial because its like it was in Iceland, how the missionaries translated for the english speakers, ya dig? the missionaries translate into spanish, COOOOL. Well, I assume its melisas ward because its the sanford ward, and that is where melisa lives, but you never know, she might be in the other ward. WELL

goodbye for nau!

Tuesday, March 9, 2010



Hello. I am in North Carolina, hooohoohoo its so lovely here, Its nice and warm, and Melisa and Willie are/were awesome, and Tuimana and Victoria are Wild hahahah so funny

well, today we went shopping! YaA1! it was so good, I bought three pairs of shoes and a sweater. AWESOME, I lovvvee it here hahahah

Ok then we went to Wendy's for lunch and everyone was all fatigued and energy-less because it was lunch time. We all ate our meals and then I'm like "lets have Frostys!!" so I go get some, and I get me a strawberry frosty shake, because I like strawberry, and might as well try it. so I finish mine and everyone finishes theirs and we are just chatting, then henry says something that was funny as I was drinking some Dr.Pepper and in my head I am thinking "UH OH better spit this Dr. Pepper out before something terrible happens" but of course I laugh before I can spit it out onto the tray, but as I open my mouth to spew the Dr.Pepper nothing comes out because the laughter has made the dr. Pepper go somewhere it shouldnt(im not sure where...) and I am having a hard time breathing, after a few wheezes and no air all of a sudden, I AM THROWING UP STRAWBERRY FROSTY! alll over the tray!! (because I was thinking "better not spew anywhere that'll make a mess, the tray is best") (HAHAHAHA) it was very gross, I am sure, but remembering it makes me laugh hehehahaha. I felt kind of bad as I was throwing up all that frosty, bad for Mamma and Melisa and Henry and Victoria, because they had to witness it and it was a public place (kekeke) and it just kept coming and coming and it was hard to breath, but I wasnt heaving it was just going "spewspewspew uppkastuppkastuppkast" there was no breathing going on, just regurgitated strawberry frosty milkshake, and it was coming out of my NOSE AND MY MOUTH AND IT WAS JUST like some sort of gore/horror/disgusting movie where you are like "WAH EWW WHAT?!??" hahahah it was funny in my head, so that didnt help the siduashun, because I would laugh and it wasnt helping hahaha then henry would comment on the siduashun and that didnt helo either because it made me laugh more and the Vomit just kept on coming! but afterwards I was looking around to see if anyone noticed, and no one was staring or anything, it was very odd. then I wiped my face of all the strawberry goo and went to the bathroom as Melisa suggested to wash my face and hands.

My face was Leaking (classic Line), no Joke, my nose and eyes were just leaking, pink and clear hahaha hahahah it was a very shocking situation, because I didnt feel sick, and ... i dunno, Maybe it was because I couldnt breath and my body's reaction was "clear the Airways! VOMIT IT OUT!!" and since that wasnt what was blocking the airways I just vomited the last thing I had consumed, The Strawberry Milkshake Frosty. and that didnt help since it just made it more hard to breathe, hahahah poor body. well, I dont know what happened, it was very odd, makes my head cringe, afterwards we went to a thrift store (mamma had wanted to go to one) and I wasnt feeling to well so I just sat in the bed(is that what you call it?) of the truck feeling the warm sun rays on my face. It was a very nice day today, very nice, and toasty. I like it here very much, a lot of it reminds me of Australia, but that is mostly because the plants are all sleeping, so everything looks dead hahaha and the dirt is very clayee here, so it reminds me of Victoria(aus)

Ahh well, good times, hilarious memories hehehahaha What do you think? have you ever experienced/heard of this? hahaha I don't think I can eat fast food anymore, the thought of it makes me close my eyes and say "no thank you" but who know, tomorrow is another day


p.s. Melisa's house can house the WHOLE FAMILY! its gigormus. I already figured out the rooms(heheheahhaha) we fit perfectly, unless someone gets married(me, lete, (YA RIGHT HAHAHA)or henry, but henry might be on his mission HeyHey?) by then. And there is good golfing, and we can make ( I have no idea about any of this, its my foreign "they're in the same area Right??" thinking hahaha) a day or two trip to Nauvoo, and alll those things

anywhos I Really Love it here in the Wiley house, Great Times! woohoooo I love visiting the sisters, and all the husbands fit them perfectly, just one left to see hehehahaha Okie doke


Monday, February 15, 2010

but I like me...

I really like me, I like me the way I am. I like my hands, I like my feet, I like my eyes, I like my toes, I like my fingers, I Like my Hair, I like my arms, I like my legs, I like my shoulders, I like my nose, I like my face, I like my back, I like my belly(hahahaha), I like my elbows, I like my ears, I like my skin colour, I like my knees, I like my neck, I like my tan lines, I like my head, I like myself, I like Me, Very Much.

There are things about me that people might consider ugly, unsightly, abnormal, weird, or other negative things, but I don't really care. I like the Body that I was given, such an amazing gift! I think its very sad that peoples ideas of beauty have been so .. warped.

To Me, Beauty is happiness. Someone who is as happy as can be irregardless of their situation, or things that have happened to them, I can't help but see Beautiful. People who are happy from the depths of their souls. Someone who can Really smile, a Real Smile even though they are going through hard times, there is just a brightness to their eyes, and their whole being, something I really envy

To Me, Beauty is Kindness. When I see someone helping a complete stranger, or a complete stranger helping me, I can't help but think that person is Beautiful, Amazingly so. Seeing Kindness always makes my heart happy, especially unnoticed kindness, the sort of deeds that come naturally to some people, but go unnoticed by the world because its become a bit of a sad place where good is bad and bad is good.

To Me, Beauty is not necessarily something you can see with your Eyes, its something you see more with your Heart.
This is Why I don't wear make up. This is Why I don't "take care" of myself. This is Why I don't really, hmmm, "care" about my appearance. I don't want this superficial world to deem me beautiful, I'd rather they thought the opposite.

But that's just me, Eye of the beholder and all.

That's not to say I can't see the Beauty of Beautiful people(or Appreciate it hohoho), but to me its more that they are.. Gorgeous? rather than Beautiful. For someone to be Beautiful, they must have Kindness or happiness, True Kindness or Happiness. Like there are some famous people who I think are .... unbelievably ... fun to look at (HAHAHA). words mean a lot to me, so I try not to use them carelessly, but different words have different meanings to me, I don't really go by what the dictionary says hahaha

In General I don't like to talk about outward appearances, I think its demeaning, The only time I talk about someones looks (example, HOTNESS hahahaha) is if Its a Guy and I am talking more like said guy is an object rather than a person (maybe that's why I think its demeaning, because I only do it in demeaning ways HAHA). Talking about looks makes me feel uncomfortable, I avoid the subject at all costs.

I would rather be known for my personality and accumplishments than my outward appearances, Like Odette in Swan Princess(sort of hahaha she wanted Derek to love her for more than her beauty). And like the guy with the candy cane and peanut butter once said "These are the faces our parents gave us after such painful deliveries, People who say we're this and that based on our looks are just plain mean" hahaha Seungri Fighting!

but i am trying to get fit/healthier. I am trying to be more healthy, in the exercise sort of way, because I am pretty sure its unhealthy to be out of breath so quickly HAHA

excuse me

Sunday, February 14, 2010

Chakhan Saram

For some reason I really do not enjoy sleep these days. at night anyways HAHA

During my lifetime I've never really had a dream, any dream. I've had many ideas, and thoughts that I found interesting, but I never really had a dream that inspired me to be awesome, and all that I can be (hahahah). I also never realised this, until recently.

sometime during the first days of this year 2010 I aquired a dream. it was rather exciting, and then became frightening. It was exciting because I realised that I'd never had a dream, and then I had one, and Having a Dream is pretty amazing, You feel like NOthing Can get in your Way! and that it will be a pleasure to accomplish! and its all crazy thoughts. But Then It became frightening because I realised i'd never really had a dream before, how can a body live without a purpose (thats how I see dreams) ?? it also became frightening because I never really accomplish things (hahahaha), and I started to think about how it would feel to fail at this dream.. it would be life ending, no joke, For a Slacker as myself, whos never had a dream, now that I have one I must accomplish it, or life would be really... grey, the world would "lose its colour" to quote my favourite Manga (kekeke).

I was watching the olympics yesterday, they are a fun bunch, arent they?? hahaha I was watching the speed skating, and Korea is Freakin Awesome at that! apparently the best male speed skater in the world was one of the korean olympians. the mens 1500 m. was intense! when they were down to the final lap, going round the last bend, THREE KOREANS were in Front!! Two were skating really closely, and the third came up and slid in between the two as they went round the bend. one lost his footing and two fell, IT WAS SUCH A TRAGEDY!!! THEY NEARLY SWEEPED IT! IT WOULD HAVE BEEN SO EPIC!! if they hadnt fallen and had actually been able to take Gold Silver and Bronze, Gosh that would have been flipppin Awesome! but the two fell, So they only got gold. SO SAD! not really, but it was exciting! and then mega disapointing... for some reason I am rooting for Korea.. HAHAHA I am an Odd Duck.

Well! tooloo for now, im off to....

Thursday, February 11, 2010

you've made me suffer from an incurable disease

Here is another one, post marked 11th of February 2010, so I was in Fort McMurray me thinks? I need to write down where and when I was, i dont really have a good memory for things I dont care about.. HAHA

People think I am shy, but I'm not, I am just gaging their understanding/perception/self. I'll quietly observe them for a time, sometimes months, and then I (in their opinion) magically open Up! but whats really happened is I have decided on how much Melanie they can handle. Its usually not much, probably just my frivolous silly side. There are cases where I never opened up because the person wouldn't have been able to handle anything, these are people I avoid like the plague. BUT there have also been cases (two that come to mind, both Australian) where the person was disarmingly deceptive, and somehow I missed it. The truth is I was closing my eyes because I was desperately unhappy and wanted a friend, irregardless of how stupid that was. hahaha! Unfortunately I am the type of person that when I get burned I stay as far away from warm things as possible, until I accidentally touch something hot again and realise its not as bad as i thought it was.

I'm not shy, I am reserved.

Social etiquette is something that doesn't make sense to me, so I wont do it. I hate chit chat, small talk, meaningless small talk and unfeeling questions about how I am. I think it is Very Rude to ask questions with insincerity. I think people think I am rude, because I don't do these stupid meaningless things hahaha, But I think they are more rude for doing them, I'd rather sit in silence then have you rudely interrupt my silence with words that are for no other reason than to fill the silence.

Something that i never encountered before i went to the US last summer was "Nice to meet you". My words are something that are precious to me, I don't say things that I don't mean, I'm usually (maybe only in my head hahaha) careful with what I say. so All these Americans (and Canadians) are saying "nice to meet you!/nice to have met you!" and I just shake there hands and smile at them, maybe saying "..Yes.." but I wouldn't lie to them and tell them it was nice to meet them, I don't feel like sinning to make them feel better. then again Its just not in me to say things like that, i think actions and behaviour should reflect how nice it was to meet a person

The only person who changes my mind is Me

So, When I used to do a blog session, I would often do a Few before I was pleased with one, and the others would never see the world, UNTIL NOW! this one was written on 11th of feb but posted the 8th of february 2011

ho hum ho hum, I was gonna rage about stupid people, but I changed my mind LUCKY HUH?!?? hahaha

So my life motto (secretly, something I have lived by for a long time, I dont know when I started thinking this way) is a phrase found in matthew 7:6, as well as 3 nephi 14:6 and Doctrine and Covenants 41:6, paraphrased "it is not meet that ye should cast your pearls before swine, lest they trample them and then turn and rend you" or gore you or somthing to do with a boar spearing you with its tusks and eating your flesh. So in my head at all times is the phrase "..pearls before swine..". maybe this is why I scorn people so much... oops hahaha oh well

SO people have a tendancy to think I am an Extremely shy person, but to tell you the truth I just think they are Swine. HAHAHAHHA I AM JUST KIDDING! I don't share my thoughts because I don't think the person would understand, so I see it as pointless to share. Its a very selfish way of thinking, but I am a very selfish person. It's also a very lazy way of thinking, because i'm sure if I had the patience and .. whats the opposite of lazy? Diligence! patience, diligence and ... love? If I cared enough I would be able to get my meanings across, but I am very impatient and lazy and don't care at All about humans who are a bit on the dim side in my opinion.

In my head you Understand what people are saying, and if you dont you ask a few questions and then you Understand, if only slightly and that is OK; BUT this isnt how most people's (that I have met anyways) brains work, most people hardly ever understand Anything! that I say... HAHAHA I guess thats what it all boils down to: I can do it, WHY can't YOU? once again the selfishness hahaha and inconsiderateness...

ack, my thoughts don't make sense, They make sense to me (obviously, it would be sad if they didnt) but I can never express them very well.... The way I think is very Different, at least I think its different, since no one can understand me hahahahaha then again maybe there is a stupid barrier between my thoughts and my mouth ahahhaah (i dont mean stupid barrier as cursing the barrier, I mean Stupid barrier, like something that makes everything stupid that goes by it... hahaha)

So people think I am shy because I dont talk, But I dont talk because I dont want to explain myself. For some reason people always need things to be explained to them, Why cant their brains move a mile a milisecond?? making leaps and bounds that connect all the dots and lines so that they get the story and dont need to have it explained to them, even though "logically" these leaps and bounds dont make sense? I think its the leaps and bounds that get them, it doesnt make sense to them so they have to repeat themselves. hahaha silly people.

Another reason I don't "talk" is because I am not one of those free flowing talker types that keeps going on even though you never asked them to. If you want information from me you have to ask, Like that frustrating "helper" that tells you there was rope in the backpack after you'd already taken your clothes apart to make one, but I dont think I am that bad, I would have asked why you were ripping your clothes apart and then told you before you became naked.

I am a reserved person. I won't share my thoughts unless I think you would be able to appreciate/understand them. Except family, I Force my thought on them ahahaha poor family.

If I were shy I would be A WHOLE lot more cooler, because I would care what people thought and I would care what I looked like, but I really dont, on either count HAHA

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

omo I have rage issues

Oh my, I have a very serious problem of Rage. I don't get mad, I get seething rage in my heart.

Let me draw you a picture! To my mind it is like a very beautiful little plant that is very lovely, and soft and very kind and loving(I am not saying I am these things, I am just trying to emphasise the seriousness, then again I would say my heart is all those things! I think everyones heart is those things, Really, really, really deep down sometimes, but everyone none the less). This plant is in a nice green rainforest with pretty sounds and loveliness all around(this is what I think is beautiful, so some might not like it because of the lizards and snakes hahah) Then in a split second everything becomes dark and dangerous and scary noises and sounds and out of the little plants Rips this HUGE UGLY DANGEROUS VENUS FLY TRAP FROM HELL! that makes the same sound as the great animal in the swan princess.

This Demonic happening isn't often, every now and again, but it usually disappears as soon as its surfaced because i realise what is happening and quickly step away from whatever is causing the episode.... It scares me because its like a different person is grabbing my insides and shaking and trying to ruin me! and its so rageful, vengeful, anything bad. Its like jackel and hyde, but I have more control and consciousness obviously hahaha

When I was younger I knew I had a bit of a problem with a bad temper, and anger, but I didn't ever think it was such a huge problem, Maybe I was in Denial and its always been this bad? hahaha that would be sad, but a relief since it would mean I am getting better seeing as I realized/noticed.

I don't know, it makes me sad. I am not violent or abusive(overly hahahaha) am I? if so, WHY HAS NO ONE EVER TOLD ME? SUCH A HUGE FLAW??? maybe everyone thought I knew and that I was just a mega tool for not changing... or maybe people did tell me but i never took it seriously hahaha

I didn't know, I am sorry. I am not sure what to do about it, it really feels like mr hyde.

and like i said its a seething rage in my heart, and so it hurts my soul

hum hum hum

And We knew

WOWOWOW I am so proud of me! hahahah I feel so accomplished at having posts in 2008 AND 2009, and now 2010. I only feel this way because I didn't realise I was posting in 2008 HAHA

creepily you can see how I have changed over these little years, from a funny entertaining fellow(hahaha I am bold, I know) into a serious quite depressed seeming fellow that thinks WAY too much and should do more.

Today(this may seem morbid/gross/creepy/weird, but I think its FREAKIN AWESOME, and sad... and scary hahah) i was picking at my teeth (as I am too often wont to do), and for the past few days (is it passed or past???) I have been wiggling something in one of my molars, and trying to maneuver it out, because it was between the two but loose, I thought it was filling, mine are always coming out, and my teeth are really bad, (I don't know miriam, I think I might be able to win the crapppy teeth trophy, then again, I really don't know hahahaha) so this morning I was reading a book called "when my name was Keoko" (I am doing some study/research on Korea) and I finally got the thing in my teeth to come out!

When I was little I enjoyed picking my scabs off, I don't know, I was a little freak and for some reason felt accomplished when I could successfully pick a scab without ripping any new flesh off... and various other things that are too disturbing to share with the world...
so that was a little story to explain my enjoyment of the teeth picking... uhm....

ANyways, So I carefully get it out of my mouth so I don't swallow it, and so I can see what it is. LO AND BEHOLD! instead of the filling that I thought it would be its something else... A PIECE OF MEAT! hahah I kid, it was a piece of tooth, My tooth, a very big piece (or so it feels, I can feel it, its gone!). I went to get a little zip lock baggie and I put my tooth piece in it, because I want to save it! I also put it back in my mouth and stuck it to my tooth to see if it really was from there, and it fit like a puzzle piece hahaha.

So I went to go look in the mirror, and sure enough the corner of my molar was gone. You see, that particular tooth was basically a filling, the corners of the tooth were still there but the centre was all filled in. that's how a lot of my back teeth are.

I HATE MY TEETH! SO MUCH! THEY SUCK! but I guess its my own fault, I should have cared for them better.. I hate my teeth so much It makes me want to cry; I guess I should say the condition of my teeth rather than my teeth. that's why I said it was awesome and scary and sad. I am weird so I thought it was cool (hahah the more I think about it, ITS NOT COOL AT ALL hahahah), but as i thought about it I realised i am gonna be one of those toothless people, that makes me sad, and then its scary because I DON'T WANT TO LOSE MY TEETH!!!!!!

but anyways, so I think the tooth piece came off because its rotten, my teeth are all rotting, at least with that piece gone the dentist will be able to get to the tooth behind... hahaha

oh crap, I think I remember the dentist in England telling me something about the corners of the teeth being needed

SPIRAL OF DESPAIR!!!! (like an anime character)

without the corners they cant fill the tooth to make it a pretend molar, so now its just gonna slowly rot away all of my teeth one by excruciating one, and I am gonna die like an Elephant!

Elephants have a set amount of teeth that grow during their lifetime (abt 24 and only four are in their mouth at a time), the teeth move from the back towards the front as time passes and fall out as they are worn down. When the last teeth fall out the elephant dies of starvation because they cant chew anymore.


how very distressing

maybe I can go to a hockey players dentist and have some teeth screwed in... *tears*

Monday, January 25, 2010

everybody was waiting

I am a Human being. Because of this unavoidable fact I find Perfection to be a flaw; Hum, Not a Flaw per se, but something that I do not want, in a Spouse that is....

When I was in Calgary over the holidays I went with Henry to a YSA FHE (huhuhu young single adult family home evening in case you did not be able to tell huhuhuh). As expected (they pretend it is not so, but it is) they talked about something or other to do with marriage, This time it was on Dating, more specifically the do's and don't's (...that seems grammatically incorrect, would it be better as do not's... HMMM) of dating. That's not my point though, We listened to some sort of radio broadcast (or something?) that was questioning Elder Bednar and his wife about how they dated, or got to know each other and how they are still married and what not. Some question was asked and it made Elder Bednar share a story.

He said that many a time YSA's (and stuff) will always come up to him and ask him "what kind of qualities should I look for in an eternal companion" and he said that he was always shocked by this question beCAUSE!

(he used some powerful words that would make your jaw drop(they made my jaw drop), but I cant remember the exact words so I will make some up hahaha)

Who are these audaciously conceited people who are looking for the best qualities in their spouses when they are far from perfect?

hahaha I was shocked because in young womens they always make you write out lists of things you want in your future spouse(something i never enjoyed doing because it was weird and awkward for me) hahaha but then it made me laugh because its very true, Who are these Audacious people??? Certainly not me(hoohoohoo), I deny being one because When I think about a future spouse I don't have these beauteous lists of amazing qualities, I think more along the lines of what I am; even though I am a weak little human of imperfection I think it would be more fun to have a companion of a similar level rather than having someone who is far "superior" or more righteouser (hahaha this is a worldly layman look at my reason, I wont go into further detail)

I don't know if that is a bad way of thinking... but... that's how i think....

Friday, January 8, 2010

the Actor and the Housewife

ok, so I know I just posted my life story, and it was long, But I really need to whine about this book. So Far I am Hating it, very much, with much passion.

I am REALLY hoping that this woman gets hit with the Idiot stick (the housewife character, not the author, but who knows, maybe i will disagree later), Really Hard, and then the Reality stick, and then the Realisation of own stupidiotsy stick. flippin eck she makes me rage, I find her behaviour so .. If she were a real human being and close to me I would say offensive, but at the moment her actions are just so Stupid and annoying to me.

Shes a married woman who says she loves her husband so very much and her kids and blablabla and yet she is hanging out with this "Gorgeous Superstar" man (literally, the man is her modern day hearthrob who she admittedly had a crush on before she(and during in my opinion) met and fell in "friendship" with him) that makes her heart do funny things like beat faster, and every time he or she calls the other, she gets all giddy. Ya see, if she were a single not married with children gal, I would call her moronically in denial for saying this was not the budding seeds of love, and since she is a married woman with children I would say she is so unbelievably stupid it hurts my brains to look at the book.

I just dont know, I dont want to continue reading this book. I am a really(most would say overly hahaha) sensitive person (hahahah it sounds funny to me, but its mega True hahaha) and the book offends my senses. The character is a Member, and she just makes me cringe. She is supposed to be a female Utah mormon type, but not really. Now Really, How many are there of those?? I am not sure I know any, or have encountered any (Just in Case you didnt realise but Mele'Ofa isnt one, Fer dang sure hahaha) And then she is so down on herself, thinking she is of the plain types, and that there would be no reason for this ultra good looking guy to ever fall for her. Ugh, she seems to have the sense of a teenager, the devil likes to tempt us, Every One! irregardless of how plain we think we are, or highly unlikely a situation might be. and then when they(actor and housewife) are together they think they are so witty with their sarcasm and put down business. When they tell people lies because they think it is funny, that is just mocking them! Who do they think they are to act so superior, just gets on my nerves.

It all just offends my senses so, but I feel obligated to read the whole thing, to give it a chance to ... get better... I think someone read it, but i am not sure. i will go look on the goodreads. pewpewpew if you've read it, what do you think? i tend to be overly sensitive about things, and so overly dramatic, I am a very much so like that type of person

Oh the Cleverness of Me!!

sooooohoooooohooooooo I went to Utah for Christmas, I dont know when or what my last post was, and I am too lazy to go see (hoohoohoo), but I am pretty sure it was in Utah...

Okay so many great and wonderful things have happened!

Utah was supa fantasticsh! Dustin and Mele'Ofa got me PREZZIES!!! and they were Awesome prezzies, and i did use them much. WOOHOOO THANKS GUESS!! and then Melisa AND Miriam sent Christmas Cards! or rather the Wileys and the Reeves'(..?) WITh Writing To Me!!! AND THEN! Maliana Sent me a Pressies Through MAMMA!!! AND THEN!!! MAMMA GAVE ME A PRESSIES FROM HALDORA! she made some sokkasko... innisko... I can never remember what they are called, and mamma gave them to me!!!!!! just when I needed Them!! Because mamma made me a pair, but I obviously made them holey so Ya!!!

every thing was so great this year! because I wasnt expecting much of anything hohoho but I got SOO MUCH!!! and i didnt give anything either, which makes me feel Terrible since I got all these amazing things! I am a bit of a lazy bugger like that , but Christmas Cards are SOOO COOOOL, I want to send them, when I become more level headed (teehee procrastination mucho?)

my last night in Utah Mele'Ofa wanted to go out to eat, and asked where I wanted to go. Me being the uncultured lout I am Had No Idea what to suggest, So I said I wanted to go somewhere Reallly Utahy, so That I would forever remember the Utah (hahaha I love being a tourist!). SO we went to Crown Burgers (or Burger Crown, something with crown) food for dinner, I got a crown burger and rice pudding juice (hahahah it Really does taste like that!) which I shared with Miaya, Who Loved it! and wanted more hahaha

We then headed towards Temple Square, and Miaya had a Crazy Attack on the way; it was so funny! the parents thought it was the juice talkin hahahahah the Mexican Rice pudding juice hahahaha she was telling everyone to Shut Up and Everything! hhahahhahaha it was so Funny! she calmed down though hahaha

Temple square was SO AmAzinG! just walking around that place I could really feel The Spirit, and it reminded me of the true meaning of Christmas. Such a Great Thing.

So the New Year is Upon Us! WOO I just realised this is my first post of the year, the eighth.. not too shabby. So The New Year always forces me to take a look back at the past year, and to examine all the things that I did or did not do, and This Year I am wanting to do some things. I don't want to call them resolutions because that word fills me with loathing and hatred, I am sure if I looked it up and read the etymology I might not be so filled with these feelings, but cest la vie.

sOOOOO The first thing I want to laga is my Brain! over the past few years it has become so despicably racist! of course I don't think "stupid *insert race/racial slur*! can't *insert racist accusations*!" But I think its as good as. My brain jumps to conclusions and marks individuals and their behaviours and appearances all too quickly, than places them all in the so and so box because of this that or the other. but the really stupid thing is that it isnt just race, it could be anything, such as Age, Sex, clothes, cars, shoes, socks, glasses, animals, food, hair, books, oh its terrible! so its not just racism, its more I judge and generalize WAY TOO MUCH! I shouldnt do it at all! I should just let my brain explode with the information overload of having everyone in their own pen, rather than all in a similarity boxes.

I think it is mostly because I have become lazy, in the sense that I dont want to have to think of people as Individuals, rather groups of similarity people.

oh how I Hate it! I've become such a ... {Split? halved? lost? confused? lazy? bum? Broken?} sort of a person, I'll let you chose one.

Its hard to explain, but there is an image in my head of a circus stage with a water tank that is halved. There is a ladder behind the tank and a man standing on top of it holding up another tank that is smaller than one of the halves of the big tank, but full of Water. The person is pouring the water into the halves, and not being too careful about it. I am that third tank, being poured carelessly into the halves. DOESNT MAKE SENSE!!! Why Pour the little water tank into two bigger ones??? isnt it better to keep it WHole in the original???? hahaha What a strange image, and it wont go away.

Anywho, That is one of the things I will be working on, Not Judging and labeling others, but its so hard, especially in todays society when people dont want to be different hahaha, but hasnt it always been so? its hard because my mind is set to Auto label, I WILL CONQUER!! VICTORY!!!! (teehee my favourite