Thursday, March 24, 2011

you dont know how to party, so why dont you just come on over to my party to learn to party, because I know how to party. party party. Party

I see bugs! and þók! úti! it makes me smile Big!! wahoo!!!

on my way to work I saw lots of green moss poking out from the snow. During work I saw lots of rain. weeeee.

One thing I wanted from Iceland, the snow to be gone before I leave.

Today! I was on my way home and people are all in their loppu peysurs and stuff. I am always so öfundsjúk! To me, loppu peysurs are Love! Its a grandmothers love for her grandchildren. The Fishermans Wifes Love for her Husband. A Mothers Love for all!

If someone made me a loppu peysa I wouldnt accept it if they didnt love me, cuz to me, thats just not right. HAHA but I am a wierdie.

I'm packing my stuffs! I have a week of work left. I have been culturfying the ICelanders with tongan food, but they have tasted most of it before (maliana) they just dont know the name of it. but there is something REALLY WIERD! MATTI KNOWS THE NAMES OF STUFF. I made otai the other night (at Björg and Ólafurs house) and it was sitting in the kitchen and matti walked through and was like "is this otai?" and i was like *DIED* because what white peoples know the names of such things?!?!? even our relis called it "Watermelon Juice" in Australia (something that still makes me scoff and stare incredulously). No offence to the Matti of course.. and he knows phrases I dont, Its really embarressing. HAHAHA I guess I just gats ta be a learnin the uhm, speach. so the white tongan doesnt show me up. hehehe jokes, its cool, im not jealous


JOKES! hahaha its really late and I am suppsed to be done with all the things that arent done.


p.s. if you want your animals to be alive when you get home, dont have me babysit them..

Love From Iceland!

p.p.s. Seriously, No one freaking understands a thing that comes out of my mouth.
THAT ISNT WHAT I MEANT. thats for all the times people misunderstood and rambled along their stupid little way. exasperating.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Inner Turmoil of a Melanie

I make up my mind, and am decided. I then change my mind and then am undecided. I then make up my mind, and am undecided.


and then someone intervenes and while my inner turmoil is going on they push me into the aeroplane, or the ride, or the activity, or the car. I've been kidnapped 62 times you know. NO I am jokesing!

But DUDE! sometimes i Really cant stand my flippant ... (i don't like to use such words, but i am thinking) Heart, (i prefer mind, or brain, or self..) its like, BE DECIDED! AND DON'T CHANGE YOUR ... mind? hahaha

but I have very little confidence in myself, and my self, and the only thing that gets me through stuff is my faith that Heavenly Father is taking care of me.

To help with imaginary, I often think of myself as the rose in the Little Prince.

I think I can do everything all by myself, i don't need a little prince (who will fly away to explore the universe and leave me alone) to take care of me! I've got Four thorns that will protect me from the animals!

but in all honesty, we all know the rose was a silly ninny that was just too proud to be alive. Without the prince she was going to be eaten, blown away, and wilt.

I'm so silly! that's something i have learned here in Iceland: I can't do Everything, and I shouldn't. and I also need to be more humble and accept help from people around me... That's another ingrained flaw, I think to ask for help is to show weakness, like showing emotion.. Weakness. But only in myself, when others do it I think its amazingly strong and brave of them, but I cant do it, because that's weakness.

Ingrained flaws are interesting, and good to change.

Tonight on my way Home I was looking at the stars and thinking about life. I want it this way, and I know Heavenly Father may want it that way, but this way is so good, I know His way will be ten million times better, but Its really hard to imagine something better than the Greatness I see now.

I am a child, I am afraid, I don't want to let go. I want it! I cant see anything else..

I'll end with a little quote from a book I could read ten zillion times over, in a row.

"It is just as it is with the flower. If you love a flower that lives on a star, it is sweet to look at the sky at night. All the stars are a-bloom with flowers . . ."

"All men have the stars," he answered, "but they are not the same things for different people. For some, who are travelers, the stars are guides. For others they are no more than little lights in the sky. For others, who are scholars, they are problems. For my businessman they were wealth. But all these stars are silent. You--you alone--will have the stars as no one else has them--"

"What are you trying to say?"

"In one of the stars I shall be living. In one of them I shall be laughing. And so it will be as if all the stars were laughing, when you look at the sky at night . . . You--only you--will have stars that can laugh!"

Sunday, March 13, 2011

sometimes i just need to lie down on the floor and breathe

I think Iceland is Cruel.

haha jokes, but life sure is interesting. Now that I have a ticket and am leaving, Iceland seems to be opening up to me.

I have only just realised something, kinda tragic that its so late in my life, but I am always grateful for awesome realisations.

Human Beings are such fragile little things, so easily swayed this way or that.

Sometimes at work i dont feel like smiling. One of these times a woman came to my till, she was smiling at me. As she was paying she said "I always love coming to you, you are so Polite and pleasant, and always smiling! Its really comforting and nice!" after she said that I started to smile, She didnt say much, but it was so very much.

I often wonder if I make any difference, if anything I do affects anything, or if all the things i do are completelty useless and wasteful.

I sometimes wonder if it would be better if I didn't, or if I weren't. This woman made me realise that in our daily routines we become reliant on others, strangers sometimes, and without them our day wouldn't be.

People notice us, they really do. Strangers taka eftir the little habits we have. Sometimes our little tiny acts and deeds make someone elses day.

We really do matter. Everything we do matters!

I watched a movie the other day, it was a korean movie ehehe anyways the movie made me realise, along with all the little acts and deeds I've been seeing, that We need to SAY IT! whatever it is, It needs to be Said!!

if someone is a pleasant lovely cashier, tell them you enjoy their service! If someone is doing something that makes you happy, let them know! if you think someone has a lovely face, let them know!

So I have been trying to do that. Speaking has never been something I am good at, and sharing is something I am HORRIBle at, so Sharing FEELINGS, thats a super, uhm, No.

But lately I have been trying to work on my ingrained flaws, and sharing feelings and opinions with people is one of them. Iceland has been teaching me many things, I am very grateful for the time I have spent here.

I couldnt imagine leaving Iceland in August(last year), but I've learned that Heavenly Father knows better than I do. I have faith that he will provide a way, Iceland will be ok without me. If things are supposed to happen, they will. I don't need to worry, as long as I am doing what I know to be right.

share feelings. Share Feelings! its pleasantly rewarding, i used to think it was totally awkward and pointless, but sharing feelings is a part of loving people, I'm slowly opening my heart to the world.

I guess thats enough for now.

Let People know! its okay! They will enjoy it, if not now, ten years from now!

Love from Iceland!

jumble jarmble

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

tonight tonight¨!

My days usually bounce around, between AWesome and SUCK! (during work) but today I nearly felt normal! well tonight.

So after being stuck at work till 25 past six because some people SUCK TOO MUCH TO BE ALIVE! (this lady came to my till at quarter past, the time when they have been warned that the tills will be closed. STUPID IDIOT!..) and finally being able to leave at half past (we close at six, but allow the flippin customers to shop till korter yfir) I trudge over to the chapel in snow. it was great.

Then Elder Christiensen was at the chapel! he's my favourite missionary(here, he's from west valley and played rugby! hahaha), and has been in selfoss for ages, but now elder Walsh is in selfoss, and he is my favourite too. Anyways, Thats where the awesome train began.

So then I go check my email, and my number one favourite missionary Has emailed!"! wahoo! and I got a special mention! wahoo! (but I am wondering if he knows the badge is an iron on..)

And then lots of investigators come! and dinner is Great! (european young single adult program is interesting, iceland being small has dinner before family home evening!)

And then Me and Unnur Play FOOSBALL! its intense, its ALWAYS INTENS!!! and then the missionaries have a lesson on the Atonement. So Great. and then we go eat BOLLUR!!! so great. and play a little more.

and then some people decide to go swimming, but i wasnt invited, so I wasnt. But then a Dear friend came and apologized to me for "being rude" the past few months, but I hadn't noticed rudness, there was certainly a wierdness, but I didnt take it badly, or as rudeness.. It made me very happy though, to know that I wasnt just being crazy, and that he cared enough to apologize.

so I go to the kitchen and help sister callaway do stuff, and unnur come and asks me if I want to go swimming too!! I say no. I hate swimming! (not really, I love it! but I only love it with close friends that i feel comfortable with, im snob like that) but then I remembered what maliana told me, that I need to do things that are uncomfortable making! and to stop excluding myself...

so I say out loud. "i dont want to.. but i should... INNER TERMOIL!" or something along those lines. and sister callaway says "You should go!" and unnur says "Yeah! you can borrow swim clothes from me!" and im like.. "Ok........"

So I go. And it was a great adventure!

I spjalled with people, it was great, and I sat in hot water, and cold water and ocean water and snowball fights.

The rowdyness was less desirable, but the spjall was good times! and then we went and bought icecream at hagkaup and we ate it.

This evening was Great! I felt alive. So cliche HAHA but I am a social creature, without it I wilt. This is the first time, in a LONG time, that I have had happy fun, with no thoughts of gloom, and That is why I have been so miserable here.

Tonight I felt myself again. Iceland has no idea who I am, I pity Iceland for that. I may be a wild creature, but Its better to see me real than to see me smile.

I just felt so good (not happy per se, but good is better than happy methinks) that I felt like sharing. and this song makes me think of my outing! hahah

This is how I want to remember Iceland.

Sunday, March 6, 2011

It is done.

IT IS OFFICIAL!!! I HAVE A TICKET TO GERMANY!!! for the 25th of April. my flight is around 14:44. That's a Monday.

ITS BOUGHT! I can nearly not believe it.

as I was sky ping with Mamma and maliana and eyþór for ticket buying purposes, I nearly had a complete keel over.

So Maliana and Eyþór have Icelandic bank accounts, and Credit cards, and it is easy to transfer things. So They were buying my tickets for me. and they were on the websites, and we were all searching for tickets.

As I searched I looked at the prices. What i saw was 189.00

in my bank account (at the time) I had 205.000 isk. My eyes were seeing 189.000. I had a complete panic attack, thinking i would be stuck in Iceland and my calculations were HORRIBLY WRONG AND OFF¨¨!

I start to quickly alter my plans, leaving earlier, cutting side trips (to germanland, anywhere in the US), Everything I can! but that didn't seem to change ANYTHING!! HOW COULD I HAVE MADE SUCH A FATAL MISCALCULATION!!??!?

just as I was about to tell everyone everything is off and I was going to off myself in the ocean I notice that the money is in GBP.

My mini heart attack had left me disheveled and laughing like a maniac. I tell everyone of my hilariously silly mistake. and then my body goes into mini shock. I am shaking and panicky hahahahah

so that's my excitement for a lifetime. JOKES!! but yeah, im leaving Iceland.

I haven't told everyone. I've told the Branch President, my visiting teachers (crap, I should tell my home teachers...) and I think that's all...... so I've told Ólafur and Unnur. HAHAHA

Oh Iceland, How I Love thee!

But I think I will be telling people tomorrow¨! because, I posted that I hate packing! AS WELL AS flight planning! gos! I really do. anyways, I posted that and people were like (like minutes later!) Where are you going? are you going places? where are you going places? ( no joke, complete quoting. ok not really, but I'm pretty sure its accurate.)

I think there will be many weddings in Iceland this Year!! unless people are pansy pants. which they might very well be.

But yes. that's all about it from me. Markús is being blessed tomorrow¨! cute kid. and I was invited to the eating!! wahoo! I love food!! ahhahah but only in good company, which hopefully it will be :D

Love from Iceland!