and then someone intervenes and while my inner turmoil is going on they push me into the aeroplane, or the ride, or the activity, or the car. I've been kidnapped 62 times you know. NO I am jokesing!
But DUDE! sometimes i Really cant stand my flippant ... (i don't like to use such words, but i am thinking) Heart, (i prefer mind, or brain, or self..) its like, BE DECIDED! AND DON'T CHANGE YOUR ... mind? hahaha
but I have very little confidence in myself, and my self, and the only thing that gets me through stuff is my faith that Heavenly Father is taking care of me.
To help with imaginary, I often think of myself as the rose in the Little Prince.
I think I can do everything all by myself, i don't need a little prince (who will fly away to explore the universe and leave me alone) to take care of me! I've got Four thorns that will protect me from the animals!
but in all honesty, we all know the rose was a silly ninny that was just too proud to be alive. Without the prince she was going to be eaten, blown away, and wilt.
I'm so silly! that's something i have learned here in Iceland: I can't do Everything, and I shouldn't. and I also need to be more humble and accept help from people around me... That's another ingrained flaw, I think to ask for help is to show weakness, like showing emotion.. Weakness. But only in myself, when others do it I think its amazingly strong and brave of them, but I cant do it, because that's weakness.
Ingrained flaws are interesting, and good to change.
Tonight on my way Home I was looking at the stars and thinking about life. I want it this way, and I know Heavenly Father may want it that way, but this way is so good, I know His way will be ten million times better, but Its really hard to imagine something better than the Greatness I see now.
I am a child, I am afraid, I don't want to let go. I want it! I cant see anything else..
I'll end with a little quote from a book I could read ten zillion times over, in a row.
"It is just as it is with the flower. If you love a flower that lives on a star, it is sweet to look at the sky at night. All the stars are a-bloom with flowers . . ."
"All men have the stars," he answered, "but they are not the same things for different people. For some, who are travelers, the stars are guides. For others they are no more than little lights in the sky. For others, who are scholars, they are problems. For my businessman they were wealth. But all these stars are silent. You--you alone--will have the stars as no one else has them--"
"What are you trying to say?"
"In one of the stars I shall be living. In one of them I shall be laughing. And so it will be as if all the stars were laughing, when you look at the sky at night . . . You--only you--will have stars that can laugh!"