Oh my, I have a very serious problem of Rage. I don't get mad, I get seething rage in my heart.
Let me draw you a picture! To my mind it is like a very beautiful little plant that is very lovely, and soft and very kind and loving(I am not saying I am these things, I am just trying to emphasise the seriousness, then again I would say my heart is all those things! I think everyones heart is those things, Really, really, really deep down sometimes, but everyone none the less). This plant is in a nice green rainforest with pretty sounds and loveliness all around(this is what I think is beautiful, so some might not like it because of the lizards and snakes hahah) Then in a split second everything becomes dark and dangerous and scary noises and sounds and out of the little plants Rips this HUGE UGLY DANGEROUS VENUS FLY TRAP FROM HELL! that makes the same sound as the great animal in the swan princess.
This Demonic happening isn't often, every now and again, but it usually disappears as soon as its surfaced because i realise what is happening and quickly step away from whatever is causing the episode.... It scares me because its like a different person is grabbing my insides and shaking and trying to ruin me! and its so rageful, vengeful, anything bad. Its like jackel and hyde, but I have more control and consciousness obviously hahaha
When I was younger I knew I had a bit of a problem with a bad temper, and anger, but I didn't ever think it was such a huge problem, Maybe I was in Denial and its always been this bad? hahaha that would be sad, but a relief since it would mean I am getting better seeing as I realized/noticed.
I don't know, it makes me sad. I am not violent or abusive(overly hahahaha) am I? if so, WHY HAS NO ONE EVER TOLD ME? SUCH A HUGE FLAW??? maybe everyone thought I knew and that I was just a mega tool for not changing... or maybe people did tell me but i never took it seriously hahaha
I didn't know, I am sorry. I am not sure what to do about it, it really feels like mr hyde.
and like i said its a seething rage in my heart, and so it hurts my soul
hum hum hum