Thursday, February 11, 2010

you've made me suffer from an incurable disease

Here is another one, post marked 11th of February 2010, so I was in Fort McMurray me thinks? I need to write down where and when I was, i dont really have a good memory for things I dont care about.. HAHA

People think I am shy, but I'm not, I am just gaging their understanding/perception/self. I'll quietly observe them for a time, sometimes months, and then I (in their opinion) magically open Up! but whats really happened is I have decided on how much Melanie they can handle. Its usually not much, probably just my frivolous silly side. There are cases where I never opened up because the person wouldn't have been able to handle anything, these are people I avoid like the plague. BUT there have also been cases (two that come to mind, both Australian) where the person was disarmingly deceptive, and somehow I missed it. The truth is I was closing my eyes because I was desperately unhappy and wanted a friend, irregardless of how stupid that was. hahaha! Unfortunately I am the type of person that when I get burned I stay as far away from warm things as possible, until I accidentally touch something hot again and realise its not as bad as i thought it was.

I'm not shy, I am reserved.

Social etiquette is something that doesn't make sense to me, so I wont do it. I hate chit chat, small talk, meaningless small talk and unfeeling questions about how I am. I think it is Very Rude to ask questions with insincerity. I think people think I am rude, because I don't do these stupid meaningless things hahaha, But I think they are more rude for doing them, I'd rather sit in silence then have you rudely interrupt my silence with words that are for no other reason than to fill the silence.

Something that i never encountered before i went to the US last summer was "Nice to meet you". My words are something that are precious to me, I don't say things that I don't mean, I'm usually (maybe only in my head hahaha) careful with what I say. so All these Americans (and Canadians) are saying "nice to meet you!/nice to have met you!" and I just shake there hands and smile at them, maybe saying "..Yes.." but I wouldn't lie to them and tell them it was nice to meet them, I don't feel like sinning to make them feel better. then again Its just not in me to say things like that, i think actions and behaviour should reflect how nice it was to meet a person

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